Ready, set, IDEA! For all of you out there who are having dating problems, I hold the solution! So sit back and relax, because all of your relationship nightmares are soon to disappear as this idea will wake you up to a new era of dating excellence. Are you ready to rest easy? Ok, here we go...
Step one: Ask a friend, loved one, or complete stranger to log onto your Facebook and make a list of pretty much every person that is single and roughly your age. (The demographic should mostly include attractive people with very little self awareness)
Step two: Acquire a ginormous, fancy-pants house.
Step three: Send out a formal invitation (aka Facebook event) to the "chosen ones" asking them to come live in the new fancy-pants house. Let them know upfront that you will be dating each one of them simultaneously and that if they are lucky enough they just might end up being your future spouse! Hopefully you'll have plenty of takers, I mean after all, this is genius. If you are lucky you'll have right around 25 prospectives aching for the chance to spend the rest of their days with you.
Step four: Live in close proximity to the fancy-pants house filled with your new potentials, and date them. All of them. At once.
Step six: Slowly weed out the ones you don't click with. When you know its not going to work, send them packing with a rose. Don't feel bad, they can always hang it upside down to dry, making a nice souvenir. Make sure you test each others chemistry and that you develop a list of cheesy lines that you can utilize at will.
Step seven: When you get down to the last two lucky ones, go meet the potential in-laws (we all know they can be a deal breaker.)
Step eight: After much careful thought and consideration, (don't blow this!) make your final selection, drop on one knee and pop the question! (Its just so beautiful, sigh). When he/she says "YES!" (have to be confident), bells will ring, birds will sing, and you'll have your dream wedding. You'll live happily ever after with your soul mate in a completely committed, monogamous relationship, now that you have had so much practice (wait, what?) Magic, right?
Note* Feel free to videotape as much of the happenings as possible, including, but not limited to, sexy moments between you and your "loves", fighting and gossiping between contestants as they battle for your last name (or to give you theirs), the eliminations, and whatever else might leave onlookers drooling for more. This way, you and your new spouse can watch these videos for years to come and relive the fun and excitement of it all!
Sound ridiculous? yeah I thought so...
M
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Nighty Night, Don't let the Bed Bugs Bite. Seriously, don't let them.
(Long drawn out inhale, followed by a long drawn out exhale)
Ah yes, nothing like fresh morning air. Here I am at Brueggers - a great place to chat, grab some breakfast or a snack, study, hang out, or plant yourself in a booth for 4 hours before school because your apartment has been overtaken by exterminators who are applying two coats of pesticide and heating everything up to 120+ degrees in an attempt to kill bed bugs. I'm sure that this last description of time spent at Bruegger's is the most common for all of us (yeah right). As Sam and I were vacating our apartment at 7am this morning we ran into the guys who were going to be in our flat (that's a cool way to say apartment I think) for the next 10 hours. I imagine at this point that they are in giant yellow Haz-Mat suits, boots and gloves and all, spraying down every nook and cranny in our place. Bring the heat boys, bring the heat. Godspeed.
I'll admit I haven't been the happiest camper through this ordeal. I miss our bed, although the air mattress that we set up in the living room every night has been a great alternative to the floor. Sam and I shared a pillow for about 2 weeks because we were afraid of the other ones that were in the bedroom. Then there was the prep for the exterminators. The walls had to be stripped, everything had to be put in boxes or clothes baskets and piled into the center of the room on or around the furniture that had to be 3 ft away from the walls, closets had to be empties, and anything that could melt or explode had to be put into special boxes marked "Do Not Heat!". So basically, everything we own is in 3 giant piles, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, and one in the bedroom. I'm sure this is one of those experiences we will look back on and laugh about. It's a good newly-wed story I suppose.
Through it all, God has brought me conviction (for those times when I found myself complaining, saying, "Ohhhh, woe is me!", "How could this happen to me, messing up my comfortable, American lifestyle?!" and the like) and comfort through a chorus:
Hallelujah, All I have is Christ
Hallelujah, Jesus is my life.
Here's why I have found conviction as well as comfort in these words -
In comparison to the majesty and ministry of Jesus Christ, earthly circumstances are trivial.
My comfort is unimportant. Living an uninterrupted, smooth, easy-going life is unimportant. Always having things go the way I want them is unimportant. The fact is that Shift Happens. What is important in the midst of trial is that we remain on our knees in the presence of God, thankful for the very next breath we will take, because it is a breath that we do not deserve. What is important is that we proclaim that our hope is in Christ, not in comforts of this world or easy living. So as I sit here in Bruegger's watching the snow fall, I can rest. Not in the fact that the bugs will hopefully be gone by tonight, because as well as that may be, they could always come back, or a different problem could arise, but rather, I can rest in the fact that Jesus Christ has reconciled me, a filthy sinner, to God and that makes life a bed of roses.
-M
Ah yes, nothing like fresh morning air. Here I am at Brueggers - a great place to chat, grab some breakfast or a snack, study, hang out, or plant yourself in a booth for 4 hours before school because your apartment has been overtaken by exterminators who are applying two coats of pesticide and heating everything up to 120+ degrees in an attempt to kill bed bugs. I'm sure that this last description of time spent at Bruegger's is the most common for all of us (yeah right). As Sam and I were vacating our apartment at 7am this morning we ran into the guys who were going to be in our flat (that's a cool way to say apartment I think) for the next 10 hours. I imagine at this point that they are in giant yellow Haz-Mat suits, boots and gloves and all, spraying down every nook and cranny in our place. Bring the heat boys, bring the heat. Godspeed.
I'll admit I haven't been the happiest camper through this ordeal. I miss our bed, although the air mattress that we set up in the living room every night has been a great alternative to the floor. Sam and I shared a pillow for about 2 weeks because we were afraid of the other ones that were in the bedroom. Then there was the prep for the exterminators. The walls had to be stripped, everything had to be put in boxes or clothes baskets and piled into the center of the room on or around the furniture that had to be 3 ft away from the walls, closets had to be empties, and anything that could melt or explode had to be put into special boxes marked "Do Not Heat!". So basically, everything we own is in 3 giant piles, one in the kitchen, one in the living room, and one in the bedroom. I'm sure this is one of those experiences we will look back on and laugh about. It's a good newly-wed story I suppose.
Through it all, God has brought me conviction (for those times when I found myself complaining, saying, "Ohhhh, woe is me!", "How could this happen to me, messing up my comfortable, American lifestyle?!" and the like) and comfort through a chorus:
Hallelujah, All I have is Christ
Hallelujah, Jesus is my life.
Here's why I have found conviction as well as comfort in these words -
In comparison to the majesty and ministry of Jesus Christ, earthly circumstances are trivial.
My comfort is unimportant. Living an uninterrupted, smooth, easy-going life is unimportant. Always having things go the way I want them is unimportant. The fact is that Shift Happens. What is important in the midst of trial is that we remain on our knees in the presence of God, thankful for the very next breath we will take, because it is a breath that we do not deserve. What is important is that we proclaim that our hope is in Christ, not in comforts of this world or easy living. So as I sit here in Bruegger's watching the snow fall, I can rest. Not in the fact that the bugs will hopefully be gone by tonight, because as well as that may be, they could always come back, or a different problem could arise, but rather, I can rest in the fact that Jesus Christ has reconciled me, a filthy sinner, to God and that makes life a bed of roses.
-M
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Drum Roll Please!
Whoop there it is! No really it is there. The "it" being me of course. The "there" being a blogging site, naturally. Come one, come all (most likely one)! This seems like a useful tool. Not so much because I have another venue to tell everyone about how interestingly fascinating my life is (as if the Fbook isn't adequate to feed my narcissistic tendencies), but rather, I can record thoughts, ideas, worries, cares, laughs, and life all on one organized (and cool looking) site, and I can look back on them years from now, sort of like an electronic journal I suppose. Neato.
tata for now.
M
tata for now.
M
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